The Art of Praying
by laney1974
Summary: The last time Joyce was in a church it was for her sister's wedding, just two years after Buffy was born.


**Disclaimer** : The characters of Buffy and Supernatural are not mine, but they belong to their respective owners (Joss and whoever owns Spn).

 **Spoilers** : BTVS: Season 3. Supernatural: Season 5. You will not get this unless you have seen the season 5 finale of Supernatural.

 **Author's** Note: This takes place the day before Graduation in BTVS, and the day Joyce leaves Sunnydale. This is taking place pre-series for Supernatural (given that it's 1999). However, a Spn Season 5 character will appear.

 **IMPORTANT:** I have not seen past Season 5 in Supernatural, so if it will veer from canon significantly and working on the premise from the end of Swan Song that Chuck is God. Please, for the love of spoilers, do not tell me about characters or events in the series past season 5 as I eventually plan to watch it when I have time

ooOOoo

The last time Joyce was in a church it was for her sister's wedding, just two years after Buffy was born. The church that Joyce found is nothing like that one. Darlene's wedding was in an old majestic church in San Diego. This church is on the outskirts of L.A. (certainly too close to Sunnydale for Buffy's comfort), and is in desperate need of paint, new pews –possibly a complete remodel and fumigation.

Joyce knows that Buffy won't like that she stopped here. Her daughter's instructions had been clear – get as far away from Sunnydale High and its graduation ceremony as possible. Joyce is supposed to be on her way to her sister's house, but she was distracted by the church and the fact that her daughter will be soon fighting for her life while Joyce runs away.

It's killing her to leave Buffy to fight alone, slayer or no.

So she finds herself walking through the church searching for… something. She's not sure what, or why she even thinks she'll find it here. Joyce has never been a particularly religious person. The thought of going to church, and raging at God for allowing her daughter to become the Slayer, first crossed her mind when Buffy ran away from home but instead she directed her rage towards Rupert. Since then, she's thought about it once or twice, but she's never acted on it until now. Her rage towards God, Rupert, and the Watcher's Council is still there, but she doesn't feel like screaming at God about the injustices done to her daughter right now.

No, Joyce feels like praying. She feels like crying and begging – like making a deal with the Devil - anything that will ensure that Buffy outlives Joyce by decades.

She takes a deep breath and continues her walk through the church. It really isn't much to look at but, for reasons Joyce is fairly sure she's imagining, she feels safe here. That this is the place she's supposed to be. She's knows that it's just wishful thinking, an unspoken hope that God is actually watching over her and Buffy, and that He led her here. Realistically, Joyce is fairly certain that it's just her mind's way of helping her dealing with the prospect of losing her daughter. The state the church is in, it makes Joyce wonder if God has abandoned it just like He's abandoned Sunnydale. There's only one pew that looks safe to sit on, and most of it is taken up by what looks like a sleeping homeless man.

Joyce perches herself on the edge of the pew, careful not to knock the man and wake him, and stares at the altar at the front of the church. She would like to light a candle, but she doesn't have any matches so she has to settle for quiet prayer. It's been so long since she prayed to God, that she's not sure how to start.

Joyce remembers her Great Aunt Sandra telling her that there's no art of praying, no right or wrong way to speak to God, but after living in Sunnydale – and hearing about things like spells and wishes – she can't help but actually think that maybe there is. The saying 'be careful what you wish for' comes to mind, and she hesitates before praying.

What Joyce wants more than anything in the world is for Buffy – for them all – to be safe. But she knows that the only way for Buffy to be truly safe is for her to be here. She knows that keeping Buffy safe means that others will die and… she's not sure she can ask for that, but the selfish part of her – the mother in her – wants to. She's not even sure if it's right to ask God to protect Buffy, just to let her live. What if, in order for Buffy to live, to survive, the entire senior class has to die? What if Buffy's death, her sacrifice, means that hundreds of others can live?

Joyce closes her eyes and lets a tear fall. She has never hated anything like she hates her daughter's destiny.

She wants to ask God to take away Buffy's power, to make her not the Slayer anymore, to let her daughter be safe, happy… normal. But Faith is in hospital, a coma, and may never awaken. Rupert had confided in her one night, during one of the many telephone conversations that they've had over the past few months, that he wasn't sure what it meant that there were two Slayers now. He didn't know if the Slayer line ran through Faith alone or through the both of them. So Joyce knows that if she prays for Buffy to be normal – and by some miracle God listens – then it's possible that the world will be left without a Slayer.

The things that she wants, really wants, are almost too much to ask for. So, yes, she has to be careful in choosing what to pray for. She and Rupert never really got to discuss theology in great detail, so for all she knows a prayer could change everything.

Joyce takes a deep breath and decides on her words – her prayer. It's not what she wants to say, but it's the only thing she can think of.

"God," she begins with a quiet whisper, careful not to wake the nearby man. "As one parent to another, please… give me the strength to let my daughter do what needs to be done, and give her the strength she needs to do it."

"Amen."

Joyce jumps and her eyes snap open at the male voice. Her heart is still pounding when she looks to the man sitting next to her. He's no longer sleeping. Instead, he's sitting upright, and watching her with a thoughtful expression.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to frighten you."

She takes a deep breath and gives him a small smile. "I'm sorry I woke you."

The man shakes his head. "You didn't wake me."

Joyce smiles again, not sure what to say. A part of her is embarrassed at being caught unawares – Buffy would have her head if she knew – while another part of her is angry that her prayer was interrupted.

"That was an unusual thing to pray for," the man comments, not looking at her. Instead, he's staring at the remains of the pew in front of him. It's covered in graffiti, the words "Chuck Rulz" written over and over. For some reason he finds it amusing.

"I'm afraid I'm a little out of practice when it comes to praying." Joyce blinks in surprise at her words. She hadn't meant to admit that.

The man nods, and looks away from the pew in front of him. "Your daughter, the one your prayed for, is she in trouble?"

Joyce hesitates before answering. Buffy has drilled into her over and over the importance of not taking people at face value and for her to be careful. Just because he looks like a homeless man, doesn't mean that he is. As the mother of the Slayer, she's at risk and Buffy would kill her if she thought her mother wasn't taking precautions.

As though he reads her mind, the man idly pulls out a crucifix from under his shirt and holds it in his hand, just as a ray of sunlight comes through the nearby window and lands directly on him. The timing of those two events causes her to frown. It was almost like…

"She's not in trouble, not the way you're implying," Joyce finds herself saying.

"She's a soldier, then?"

That was possibly the most apt description she's ever heard for a Slayer. "Yes."

"Most people when they pray ask God to protect their loved ones, or for their loved ones to be removed from danger altogether," he comments. "They don't usually appeal to God as a parent."

"Do you have children, Mr…"

"Chuck Shurley." He holds out his hand.

"Joyce Summers." Joyce shakes his hand, frowning at the feeling of warmth that sweeps through her when they touch. She's surprised at the amount of comfort she feels at his touch. "Do you have children Mr Shurley?"

"It's Chuck, and I have a few," he says with no small amount of amusement.

"Then you'll know that as a parent, we can't control our children. No matter how much we want to."

He nods. "That's very true."

"Protecting our children is easy, it's natural – instinctive. Letting our children sacrifice themselves for others is…" Joyce closes her eyes as a tear slips through. "I would sell my soul to protect my daughter if I could, but she would never forgive me if I did. She made her choice, a decision to protect others no matter what. I can't take that away from her."

"So you asked for the strength to give up your only daughter?"

Joyce doesn't reply, she can't. This conversation is too painful, and she doesn't want to continue it.

So instead of answering his question, she opens her eyes and studies Chuck. His face is covered in dirt, and it looks as though he hasn't eaten in days. She looks down at her watch and Joyce is surprised to discover she's not quite ready to leave Chuck's company.

She's not sure why, but she's feeling better. Stronger. Almost as though she's strong enough to be the mother of the Slayer.

"I passed a diner on the way into town, would you like to get some breakfast?"

Chuck raises his eyebrows and looks down at his clothes. "Are you sure?"

She smiles. "Of course."

In the hour or so it takes them to eat lunch, neither of them mention the prayer or Buffy again. Instead, they fill the silence with small talk and when they finish they return to the Church at about the time the graduation ceremony is supposed to start.

Joyce knows that she should get back in her car and continue on her way to her sister's home, but she's surprised to find she doesn't want to.

Instead, she sits next to Chuck and she prays.

When she opens her eyes an hour later, he's gone.

End


End file.
